This Writer's Book Themed Wedding

I have been a terrible blogger for the last six months, but I do have several good excuses. For one, I was teaching several accelerated courses outside of my "day" job. And... I was planning a wedding.

My husband (still feels weird!) and I met shortly before my first novel came out. I gave him a copy of the ARC to read, which he did. When I saw him next, he told me it was good... but riddled with errors. I thought his bluntness was odd and didn't quite know what to make of him. As I discovered later, reading my book had convinced him that he wanted to get to know me better... and the rest is history.

As we started planning our wedding, it quickly became very clear to me that I was not going to get my way (which was a quickie wedding in Vegas or a courthouse) and so we started brainstorming about how we might plan something that was truly reflective of us as a couple. Since we had a very standard "hotel wedding," we wanted an element that was personal. Choosing books as a theme was a pretty quick decision.

Now that it is over, I wanted to share a couple of my favorite elements from the day.

In addition to being a book-lover, I am a total flower junkie. Thus, one day in January I forced several unsuspecting bridesmaids to spend the day making book paper flowers, like this one. We made about 40 and incorporated them into arrangements throughout the ceremony and reception.



Speaking of which, our ceremony was lined by books. You can see them hanging out on pedestals we used to mark off the ceremony here...


And this is a very far away shot, but we also had stacks of books with candles on top that lined the aisle.

We pulled our love of books into the ceremony. Each of our 10 (obscene, I know) attendants read a piece of a poem or a passage on love. Selections included:

• The Bible
• Dr. Seuss
• Albert Einstein
• Stephen King
• Pablo Neruda
• John Donne
• Beethoven

From there, our theme continued into the reception! Guests were asked to find their love story at the escort card table. We selected famous couples from some of our favorite pieces of fiction, including Wesley & Buttercup, Arwen & Aragorn, Ron & Hermoine, Florentino & Fermina Daza, and Gaius Baltar & Number Six. We put the table names on wine bottles (to celebrate another of my great loves) at each table. One pictured here celebrates our mutual nerdiness.

While planning the wedding, we scoured used book stores and the Book Thing in Baltimore to amass enough used books to offer every guest one as a favor like the one pictured here. The insert explained that these were not books on love, but simply books we loved, and encouraged guests to trade around the table until they found one they were passionate about reading. It actually turned out to be a really nice ice-breaker, and made all that frigging wrapping worth while in the end.

Also on the tables, we used books as centerpieces. On top of each stack, we place a flower arrangement with our paper flowers as accents.


Our cake, seen here, promised us our own "Happily Ever After." It was SUPPOSED to feature some book paper roses as well, but alas... if that was the worst thing that happened.

And finally, some cardboard boxes from Michaels glued together became our cardbox. While it seems like a silly thing to be excited about, I did very much love it!






And so, now you can see what the wedding of two consummate book nerds looked like... and this is what marriage is supposed to look like, right?

Five Signs that You’re in the Wrong Bridal Salon

I bought a dress! And that exclamation point is motivated equally by loving my dress and the knowledge that I do not have to shop anymore.

While my last experience (from the salon where I ended up purchasing my gown) was excellent, all other experiences leading up to this SUCKED. However, since I did have one good one, I can conclude that the prior pain was cause not by some fundamental flaw in my dress-buying DNA, but by being in the wrong bridal salon.

And so here is some advice I learned that may help you decide if you’re in the wrong salon as well.

1.       Are you making the face you see in the above picture? This is not the dress I picked, this is the dress that I looked desperate in because my consultant was like a drill sergeant. Dress shopping should be fun, and if it isn’t, you’re in the wrong salon.

2.       Is every dress you put on well over the budget you gave your consultant? Sure, it’s OK to try on a dress or two that breaks the bank, but if you say $1,000 and every dress you’re putting on is $2,000, then you’re either in a salon that is out of your range, or have a consultant that only cares about her commission.

3.       Did they shame you about your budget? What you want to spend is YOUR decision. If you give them a budget and get met with a tirade on why that is not feasible, then go elsewhere.

4.       Do you feel badly about yourself? I walked into my first appointment with a jump in my step because I’d just lost 40 lbs and was ready to feel pretty. Instead, my twiggy consultant must have reiterated to me that I am a “big girl” FIFTY times. If at any point, your consultant says something to make you feel badly about your body, move on.

5.       Are you dictating? There is a balance here- you know what you want, and your consultant knows what they have and should have advice on what might work on your body. If you say “I want lace” and your consultant points to a rack for you to dig through and walks away, you aren’t in the right place. They should ask questions, offer suggestions, and guide you through the inventory. If they don’t, find someone who will.

The Easiest Way to Plan on a Budget

I’ve been reading lots and lots of advice on how to plan a wedding on a budget. Some of this advice has been excellent, some of it has been awful, and most of it has contradicted other advice I’ve read. So here it is, my practical advice for planning your wedding on a budget in only two steps:

Step One: Decide What Kind of Hostess Do You Want to Be (a.k.a. budget advice to ignore)

It’s YOUR day, but by inviting people to your wedding, you are accepting the responsibility of making sure your guests enjoy themselves. This is really important to me for a few reasons. Not only do I pride myself on being a good hostess, but I also know the (well-earned and prolonged) trash talk that follows a wedding thrown by someone who disregards their guests.

On many of these “ways to save money” lists I’ve seen, there are a few glaring culprits that show up repeatedly. A lot of this is regional and even family-specific, but in my area, these cost cutters will annoy the heck out of everyone you know.

1.       Cash bar. While I know in some areas it’s completely normal, fundamentally, I believe that if you invite people to an event where they bring you a gift, it’s inappropriate to ask them to buy their own drink. You can still save money here, but do it nicely. If you and your fiancé aren’t drinkers, don’t offer alcohol. If you’re trying to control cost, offer just beer and wine.  If you want to limit the drinking, try a champagne fountain and sodas.

2.       Potluck. As above, people bring gifts to weddings. Throw a potluck and you’re asking not only for a gift, but also for them to feed themselves… and other people!

3.       Dessert receptions. In my 20’s, I would have been all over this. In my 30’s not so much. Even if you are throwing a mid- afternoon wedding and don’t want a full meal, you should serve sweet and savory snacks.

Decide what’s Important to You

This is where you can get whiplash the advice: “programs are a waste, don’t do them!” and then the next site is “programs are a lovely way to tie together your theme.” So here is what I suggest:

Beyond being a good hostess, make a list of what will make you happiest.

Having a list will help you prioritize (because it can quickly become the case that EVERYTHING is critical if you don’t). Make a list of all of the elements of your wedding, and then rank them in order of what you care about most. Look at your budget and figure out if you’re out of whack. If programs are at the bottom of your list, cut them. If they are at the top, dip those suckers in gold.

I am atypical in that the photos and flowers are not very important to me, but serving an incredible meal is. So, I have a friend taking pictures for me, which saves over $1,300. My sister and I are going DIY the flowers, saving about $1,000. So $2,300 divided among about 90 guests upped my per person budget by $25 and let us select a nicer caterer. 

Maybe this is helpful, maybe not. All in all, just my two cents for what it’s worth!

Wedding Planning Advice... Buying a dress made more practical

So, last Thursday I mentioned my upcoming wedding, how planning increased my estrogen level, and that there are differences in wedding planning in your 20's versus your 30's. Here is what I consider to be the biggest difference, at least for those of us financing our own event-- mortgages. I am working on planning a wedding while paying a mortgage, car payment, student loans, etc., and those things take precedence over one day.

That said, I do have a perfectly comfortable budget, and I do, like most brides, have dreams of looking perfect. So I, of course, want the perfect dress. However, the quest for such has proven to be a bit eye opening. Thus, even though I have not yet bought my dress, I have some suggestions for how to get a dress that makes you feel beautiful without making you cry.

1. Don't be bullied. In each salon I have been to, I have been shamed about my budget, and then seen consultants quickly (and ineptly) pull out their hard sell tactics-- don't fall for it, and don't feel pressured to buy on the spot. You do NOT want to be shamed or bullied into buying a dress because then, no matter how much you love it, your perfect dress will be perfectly tainted by the crappy situations under which you bought it. 
2. Don't think you have to go to a salon. I do recommend that you go to a salon, try on dresses of different colors, fabrics, and shapes to get an idea of what you want. If you buy it there, great. But there are also other venues you can look at. Does wearing a pre-owned dress make it less perfect for you? If not, try http://www.preownedweddingdresses.com/. If you want a new gown, look for at places like www.bestbridalprices.com/‎ have discount dresses. 
3. Don't go to China. OK-- this isn't so much a rule as a request.  There are many Chinese manufacturers selling dresses at steep discounts that seem almost too good to be true. However, these discounts are often because designs by prominent designers and are literally being stolen. While I am far from a fashionista, as a writer I know what it feels like to have years of your work completely devalued. Yep, you're getting a deal, but that designer is getting nothing.  And, if that is not a solid reason, research the reviews on these sites. You will find many cases of people who did not get what they ordered, or got a low-quality product that they then had no way of seeking a refund. It's a risk on top of IP theft.
4. Don't feel roped into to "traditional." Maybe you have your heart set on that poofy cupcake dress, and if so, more power to you. However, if you are looking for something simpler, or perhaps more elegant, consider looking into evening gowns or non-traditional vendors like www.forherandforhim.com/‎ . They have lovely products at even lovelier prices. 
5. Don't succumb to "the feeling." Chances are, most of us have watched "Say Yes to the Dress" enough to intrinsically believe that if you cry, its the dress. The first dress I put on was "the dress" and I loved it. I had "the feeling" and I WANTED it... But it was $700 over my budget. So, I did a REALLY tough thing and walked away. Since then, I have found another dress that also gave me "the feeling." In fact, there have been several such dresses, all closer to my budget. Now, if you try on more and never get the feeling again, look around for a good deal, see where else you can tweak the budget, and then decide if the feeling is worth it.

Wedding advice for the 30-something dude of a bride... Part 1

So yesterday I mentioned that I've been fighting illness-- not the greatest thing in my life at the moment-- but did not mention something very, very exciting in my life. I am getting married! Next June, I am walking down the aisle.

What's interesting to me is the undocumented connection between an engagement ring (and this sparkly beauty is mine) and an increased estrogen level. Yes, ladies and gentleman, me-- lover of horror, action, and sci-fi films, hockey fan, and vehement hater of all things heart-shaped-- have turned into an habitual Pinterest swooner.

Two of my closest friends are also in various stages of wedding planning, but I am noticing something very interesting in comparing our collective experiences in light of that of the friends of mine who got married in their 20's had. It seems to me that when you're in your 30's, and in my case paying for the wedding yourself, you approach the whole experience in a different light.

Thus, though it goes against the writer in me who wants to reserve this space for all things literary, moving forward, I'm going to share some ideas and thoughts about staying sane, and avoiding bankruptcy, while planning a great event. Stay tuned for next Thursday...