Friday Fun... An Ender's Game Movie Review from a Book Fanatic

Here is an obscenely long post, but it is what it is... I just have too much to say! 

Before I delve too much into a discussion of Ender's Game: The Movie I think it is important to understand my relationship with the book. I first read this when I was about 13 (right about when they started work on this movie, apparently). I was hooked as soon as I opened the cover, and not just in a "I want to finish this great book" way, but in the "this book changed me a little bit" way.

More than anything, the character of Ender resonated with me. My own stupid teenage angst crap led me to believe fervently that we were kindred spirits. I had this ring made and wore it (despite it turning my finger green) as a reminder to stay strong when life got tough... or what teenage me thought was tough at least.

Around this time I also began a tradition that I have continued o this day: once a year, I read Ender's Game. My insights into the book, my feelings towards the characters, and my perspective on the morality of the story have subtly shifted throughout my years, but one thing has remained constant-- this book is part of who I am.

And thus last night, after almost 20 years of waiting for THE MOVIE, I found myself in a theater and nervous as hell that they were about to screw up my baby.

For those of you unfamiliar with the story, you can glean most of this through the previews. Fifty years ago, Earth was attacked by an alien race called the Formics, and so to prevent mankind's annihilation, the military begins drafting and training children with the hopes that they will be the military geniuses that save us all. As the pending war nears, all hope comes to rest on Andrew "Ender" Wiggin. Ender is taken to Battle School to train with other kids and learn to save the world.

In terms of the how the movie did... I will give it a solid B+, or a "meh... I didn't hate it." And believe it or not, given how close I am to this, NOT hating it is high praise.

Here's what I liked:
The stayed pretty close to the story for the most part. Key things were removed due to timing, but Asa Butterfield as Ender was delightfully fantastic.They also kept one of my all-time most favorite opening lines from any book ever there.

Despite loving Viola Davis, I expected to hate her as Anderson simply because Anderson was a relatively tiny role in the story and they seemed to be just looking for places to add a woman. I actually loved the change. Given the film format, they needed a tool to continually express the moral questions about what the military is doing to these kids. This comes across loud and clear in the narrative of the book, and the change in Anderson's role was actually a deft move to keep this alive in the film.

Ultimately, though, the real strength of this movie is its beauty. The visual effects, score, and overall tone are spot on.

Here is what I didn't like:
The timing. At just over an hour and forty-five minutes, this film was short, evinced by taking a book that spans nearly a decade and smashing into the period of a few weeks. What you lose is an understanding of the sheer magnitude of what happens to these kids at Battle School. Showing two or three key battles was not sufficient. Even some kind of goofy battle montage could have built up this aspect much better.

The characterization. And this KILLS me. Again, they could have had another 20 minutes to play with developing some characters here. Harrison Ford's Graff is both ineptly played and poorly written. Of Ender's toon leaders, only Petra has much happening. The friendship between Alai and Ender, one of the most poignant and critical elements of the book, is basically gone. Only Ender is really developed at all, and this is still fairly shallow. Trust me-- if you saw the movie and liked Ender, read the book and you will love him.

The softening. One of the key elements of this book is its brutality. It is s violent and intense story. The kids call the aliens bad words, and they fight each other, and sometimes they kill each other. The movie made me think of a line from the George of the Jungle movie that goes something like "don't worry, nobody dies in this movie, they just get really big boo boos." I understand having to remove some of the more vicious incidents from the film-- with such a short time to tell a story, it would be hard to portray some of what Ender does without making him look like a sadist. But in this film, even the Formics aren't really that bad. While subsequent books support this, to actually tell Ender's Game correctly and to make the ethical dilemmas really resonate, you need an enemy and you need some violence and both of those things are piddled down to the point of losing their power in the story.

Here is the delicious irony:
With the softening of the film, there is something of a message of tolerance against the alien species that comes through at the end. Seeing this from a writer that so vehemently petitions against tolerance for his own species (Card is vocally opposed to gay rights) smacks of seeing Ted Cruz read Green Eggs and Ham and not realizing that maybe he should give the whole "open mind" thing a try.

All in all, see it... but then read the book because it is 1,000 times better.

Friday Fun-- how NOT to blow your weekend

It's been one heck of a summer at the movies... unfortunately, I have not made some of the best selections for what to watch I suppose. So, instead of sharing some of my favorites (though I do have some of those), here is a recommendations for what to avoid.

Elysium was such a massive disappointment to me. I love Matt Damon, usually respect Jodi Foster, and was a big fan of District 9. However, instead of the futuristic action flick about writing wrongs and social justice that I was expecting, I found this to be a heavy-handed, rich-bashing bore.

Yep, Elysium was boring. And the writing was downright lazy. I don't believe that a big bank account renders one evil. Now sure, just like some people without money can be bad people, those with can also just suck. However, this film seems to imply that the worst thing one can be from a moral standpoint is wealthy. At no point are any of the rich citizens of Elysium, portrayed as living some kind of Jane Austen-esque leisure society life, shown as having any kind of redeeming characteristics.

And if boredom lazy writing was a truly bizarre casting decision that put Sharlto Copley, who was fantastic as the geek-turned alien in District 9, as a sadistic super-soldier. The part was a straight rip off of Dolph Lundgren's Street Preacher from Johnny Mnuemonic, and seriously, THAT movie is not one anyone should seek to emulate. Combined with a sporadic but over-done action, and a  straight up bizarre performance by Foster, Elysium was just a mess.

Friday Fun-- Total Recall Review

What do you get when a remake of one of my favorite weird action films is announced and happens to be staring one of my favorite dirty boys? A very happy Shauna!

And that is exactly what I was when I saw the first preview for the remake of Total Recall, staring Colin Farrell. In truth, though I adore the original, I have always thought that this movie was made too early, with concepts that couldn't quite be convincingly conveyed with the technology that was available at the time.


The remake of the film took the story to the next level, and created a dynamic, rich, and visually enthralling world in which the story of Douglas Quaid plays out. For those of you who haven't seen it (what?!?!??!), Quaid is a simple man, in this iteration a factory worker, with a smoking hot wife and a case of itchy feet.

This version of the film is set against the back drop of social unrest, following years when chemical warfare destroyed much of the livable space in the world. In the aftermath, only Great Brittan and Australia, or the Colony, remain available for habitation. Aided by "The Fall," a giant subway-type-thing that transports citizens between The Colony and Brittan, creating a huge divide between the wealthy Brits and the poor Colony folk, of which Quaid is one.

Driven by the belief that he needs something more, Quaid seeks out Rekall, a service provider that will input all kinds of memories into your brain for a truly inexpensive (and short) vacation experience. Quaid seeks out a secret agent memory, only to figure out that he actually is a secret agent. Poor Doug isn't actually Doug, and his entire life is an implant. Now he has to figure out who he is, and why he is vital in the common war between the Brits and the Colony.

Those of you who do know the original film have likely noticed by now that the word "Mars" did not appear anywhere in the above. Yup, this entire film is Earth bound. And though I very much enjoyed it and think it corrected a lot of the cheesy annoyances from the original, I missed Mars. (You'll be thrilled to know that there is a three-breasted prostitute, but I couldn't quite figure out how the heck she fit if there are no mutants.)

There are definite sticky elements of the film. Thirty seconds of dialogue could have easily addressed some plot holes, and Kate Beckinsale's character is a joke. She goes from smoking hot wife to agent hunting Quaid, to leader of the entire police force to leader of an entire military force, leaving me to wonder "does anyone else work there?" She does it well, but there was clearly a reason why Sharon Stone died early on in the original, and that should have stuck.

All in all though, whether or not you've seen the original, the remake is worth your time! I'd go see it in the theater.

Friday Fun for Ladies Only!

For those of you who read my review on Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter last Friday, you will appreciate that apparently being pleasantly suprised by films for which I had zero expectations is in the air.

Yes, I saw Magic Mike. Yes, I saw it the day it opened. No, I did not dress like I was going to a strip club, and no, my desire to see it had nothing to do with Channing Tatum. It was all about this guy, Mr. Alcide from True Blood, or known to his friends (I'm assuming) as Joe Manganiello.

What did I expect from this film? To see one of the dreamiest of dreamy men dance around. Ok. Dance around shirtless. So imagine my suprise when there was, like, a plot and everything.

So Channing Tatum plays Mike, a man dreaming of owning his custom furniture business and saving money towards this goal by stripping. Mike meets Adam, the new guy who is sexy but down and out on his luck, and brings him into the stripper fold. Luckily, Adam has a sister that Mike finds amazing. Unfortunately, Adam gets a bit too much in the night life, making it difficult for Mike to fulfill promise to sister that he will watch out for baby brother.

Mike has depth. Not a lot, mind you, and all of the depth is carefully constructed to create maximum appeal for the ladies. For instance, Mike doesn't just want to own a business-- he wants to make custom furniture. This requires a man to use his hands AND his soft feminine side. Other than opening a German Shepherd rescue, I cannot think of any other job that would appeal to women's love of the rugged man and desire for a softer, more creative job.

But, all in all, I was shocked for a few reasons:
After mocking him mercilessly for some time due to his total and complete lack of acting ability, I saw Channing Tatum dance, and finally understood what the attraction is. Hot damn.
A movie I expected NOTHING from actually turned out to have entertainment value beyond just watching shirtless men dance (though that was very entertaining
And perhaps the most suprising, Mattew McC. was really, really good. Played himself, I suspect, but he did it convincingly.

Enough plot to make it worth it for a man (or at least a straight one)? Probably not. Worth it for you ladies? Yeah... I am totally seeing it again in the theater.

Friday Fun-- Beat the Heat with Abe Lincoln

While it is a bit late for my Friday Fun recommendations, and I recognize that only a portion of the blog world is currently sweltering under the east coast (of the US) heat wave, but I am behind in lauding one of my latest movie finds.

The summer blockbuster truly is a thing of beauty for me-- not only do I get to indulge in one of my most favorite activities, but this activity forces me outside of sweltering heat and into a blissfully cool auditorium. This definitely contributed to, but did not cause, my love of Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter.

As mentioned in my review of Cowboys and Aliens, I am often attracted to movies with titles that are so gutsy and out there that I feel the hubris or obsurdity must be born of conficence. However, unlike Cowboys and Aliens, the absurdly titles Abe Lincoln delivered.

So what's the premise? Well, there is Abraham Lincoln, who begins a fued against a local man early in life. He doesn't find out until he is a young man that his nemesis is a vampire, and actually imrbued in a vampire/human struggle that underlies the slavery problem in the U.S. As he learns to hunt, he also learns to orate, and the answer to injustice-- both for the living and the living dead-- is born.

Believe it or not, the plot for this movie is thorough, relevant, and actually quite engrossing. It does fall victim to some really cheesy over-produced special effects in some places, but a competent cast and well-formed dialogue save it.

I went in the theater expecting bad. I was pleasantly suprised. When The Amazing Spider-Man is sold out this weekend, Abe Lincoln is a very good second choice!

Review of Prometheus

Just in case any of you have missed my previous ravings, you should know before digging into this that I LOVE science fiction and horror films. Combine the two into one (think The Thing, Aliens, and several episodes of Battlestar Gallactica) and I am giddy. This love prompted me to wait with baited breath for the release of Prometheus, which put one of Hollywood’s most talented directors back at the helm of a sci-fi/horror film.


With that sad, it saddens me greatly to report that all I could think upon leaving the theater after Prometheus was “what were you thinking, Ridley Scott.”

So, the movie is about Dr. Elizabeth Shaw, some kind of Ph.D. I think. She and her partner Charlie find a series of millennia-old pictograms all over the world that they use to convince the Weyland Corporation to spend a couple trillion dollars sending them on a fact-finding voyage to a faraway planet. They seek “the engineers,” an alien race they are convinced created mankind, and will be able to tell them why. They arrive to find lots of dead humanoid bodies, and a plethora of troublesome little worms hanging out in a big pyramid. And all of the fun just starts from there.

In theory, this is the kind of premise that should make me giddy, but fundamental problems with the film and its script actually just made me frustrated.

First, let’s talk about David, the creepy android capably and convincingly portrayed by Michael Fasbender. Fasbender was great in this role. Unfortunately, it’s a role we’ve all seen before. From 2001’s Hal to the myriad of synthetic people in the Alien franchise, creepy robot man is played out. Add to this that creepy robot man’s motivation to wreak havoc in Prometheus is never explained at all, and you reduce Fasbender to a pointless plot device.

Then there is the fact that the whole “what the heck is going on here” question is answered towards the end of the film in a 30 second conversation between Dr. Shaw and the ship’s captain. This is a man who never left the bleeding ship, and spends the whole film saying “I just fly…” but suddenly and conveniently pops up with all of the answers at the end.

And other than major plot flaws, there is just a whole bunch of stuff that happens that is never explained or just not plausible. David studies ancient Earth languages, which somehow render him capable of communicating with aliens (who have a language that apparently has not evolved at all in a more than a million years). He also has a stunning knowledge of how to manipulate alien artifacts that he’s never seen before. Dr. Shaw has the uncanny ability to literally run around with a massive open incision in her stomach. Charlie has a keen insight into the need for his demise, despite having NO idea that he has purposefully been infected with an alien parasite.

On the good side, Charlize Theron is racking up her “I tried to save this wreck” points lately, and is wonderfully convincing as the cut-throat agent of Weyland Corporation. Noomie Rapace was absolutely fantastic as Elizabeth Shaw. Sadly, these brilliant ladies just couldn’t save it.

Two more months with this script might have cooked it a bit more and made this movie palatable. As it stands, however, my recommendation is to skip it.

Review of Snow White and the Huntsman

I am interrupting my normal blog schedule... mainly because I have been in 8 states over the last two weeks and cannot get it together! So, instead of taking about writing, lets talk about movies!

Since I have been so open in my belief that Chris Hemsworth is Dreamy Man #1, I’m sure it is no surprise that I rushed to the theater opening weekend to experience him and all of his splendor (and abs) in Snow White and the Huntsman.


You all know the story of Snow White and the youth-obsessed evil queen that sought her out. This film has brought that story to life, capitalizing on all of the macabre and sophisticated story elements that have been so deemphasized in all of the children’s story retellings. Though there were several things I liked about the film, its art direction is tops. This movie is visually stunning!

Speaking of stunning, let us hear it for Charlize Theron, who brought the age-old evil queen to life with vigor, glamour, and, surprisingly, sympathy. The queen’s character is built flawlessly, so as her wicked antics continue, you may not approve, but you can almost understand.

However, it seems like the writers put all of their characterization eggs in one basket. Though brilliant, and oh-so-dreamy, Chris Hemsworth is left with a bit of a caricature in the huntsman—the soul in turmoil and in man in his cups following the murder of his wife. He brings it to life, but clearly could have done more had he been given more.

All of this sounding good? It should, because this film was almost good. In fact, Snow White and the Huntsman was almost great. Ultimately, though, one part of the movie knocked it back to “just OK” in my book, and that was the flat, lifeless performance of Kristen Stewart. As the movie started, she just seemed to be wandering around, staring at stuff with her mouth open. I was thinking “come on, I want to see her NOT be Bella Swan, give her a character, let her shine.” Ultimately, the character never came, but as Stewart blundered through her lines, kept that mouth hanging open in a stunned and confused expression throughout the film, and failed to create chemistry with a single one of her co-stars, I realized that perhaps it was wise to avoid giving Snow White a character, since her portrayal was going to be so weak anyway.

If that sounds harsh, it is, but no, not just because I am so very jealous of a woman that has gotten to kiss Chris Hemsworth, Robert Pattinson, and Taylor Lautner. Stewart was an excellent Bella Swan, and I actually enjoyed her in Adventureland, but she either phoned this one in, or has determined that an open-mouth stare and bosom-having breath is the key to an Oscar. In fact, to provide an overly flowery metaphor— if Hemsworth, Theron, and others provided performances that could be likened to jeweled, golden goblets of fine wine, Stewart was the red Dixie cup full of Bud Light you pay $2.00 at a kegger.

Otherwise, surprise appearances by Bob Hoskins and Ian McShane, amazing visuals and set design, and a truly phenomenal performance by Theron make this worth seeing. I’m just not sure I would see it in the theater where the gaping mouth just gapes wider.

Recommendations for Friday Fun: Skinwalkers

With the impending start of True Blood season 4, in which we hope Allan Ball reverts to a few coherent story lines instead of giving every character their own set of issues a la season 3, I thought some werewolf and vampire film recommendations were warranted.

And so, I want to recommend that anyone looking for some supernatural fun this weekend go to Netflix or Amazon and check out Skinwalkers.

Steeped in Navajo legend, Skinwalkers tells the story of Timothy, a young boy about to turn 13. Living with his widowed mother, and father's family, Timothy has no idea that he is actually a half breed at the center of an Indian prophecy that foretells of the end of the curse of the skinwalking (a.k.a. being a werewolves).

Timothy and his mother, who is played by the fierce and fantastic Rhona Mitra, have no idea that he is about to become the center of a war. On one side is the family that has protected him since birth, without ever revealing that they are actually werewolves. Living off of animals and leading peaceful lives, his protectors want nothing more than to allow him to fulfill the prophecy.

On the other side of the brewing battle, we have an intense (and very, very hot) back of blood-thirsty, people-eating wolves that delight in their violent ways and want to kill Timothy before he can end their fun for good.

Throw in one amazing firefight in the middle of small town America, lots of good action, Elias Koteas, and some stellar acting, and you have my absolutely favorite werewolf movie ever.

End of my weekend movie reviews-- Battleship

Since my Saturday post was blasting The Chernobyl Diaries for its total lack of plot (read it here), I feel like I should preface this review with a discussion of expectations.

Though I love both horror and action movies, I have different expectations of each. For horror, I want a strong plot and not cheap scares and unnecessary suspense with no purpose. For action movies, particularly those named after board games or 80's cartoons, my expectations are for a coherent (though not necessarily strong) plot, good pacing, and lots and lots of explosions.

Battleship most certainly met, and in fact exceeded, my expectations.

Let me be clear, here: this is a dumb movie. The premise is thin but I was able to swallow it with a healthy dose of my willing suspension of disbelief. The acting was actually surprisingly strong, excepting Brooklyn Decker and Taylor Kitsch (who, unfortunately, had the lead roles). And the explosions were awesome. And I mean totally amazing.

But yes, this is a Hasboro production. The general story is that NASA and other "scientist looking people" establish a communications station in Hawaii and start beaming a message towards Planet G, a planet millions  of lightyears away  that closely resembles Earth. The funny thing is, they never seem to expect Earth to answer.

Then you have our protagonist Hopper (Kitsch), the standard screw-up who was pulled into the Navy by his very responsible (and very sexy) older brother Stone, played by the immensely capable Alexander Skarsgaard. Somehow Hopper goes from being arrested in the opening sequence for a little B&E to impress a pretty girl to being third in command on a Navy destroyer despite his continually screwing up in the next sequence.

Hopper is seconds away from being kicked out of the Navy when very hostile visitors from Planet G invade, and he is forced to save the world. The aliens want to take over and call Earth their own. To do this, they need to set up communications, and suddenly it is Hopper versus the entire invading force to keep that from happening.

As I said-- the premise is thin. It's a dumb movie, but I enjoyed the heck out of it. And a special hats off to Rihanna. I have never been a big fan of her music, but as a hard ass naval officer, she was phenomenal. She carried almost every scene she shared with the lethargic Kitsch.

The verdict-- its worth seeing if you like big explosions, and I would say see it on the big screen. But if your town has a cheap theater, I would wait until it gets there! 

Chernobly Diaries Review-- What NOT to See This Weekend

So as an avid horror movie lover, I fully expect to have to take the good with the bad. Good horror movies are the cinematic needle in the haystack, as the genre tends towards the formulaic and unoriginal.When my best friend and I saw the preview for Chernobyl Diaries, we were excited as the premise seemed to be something a bit original. As we made plans to go see the film, we discussed how it had such potential, and we hoped it didn't follow in the footsteps of the abysmally bad The Hills Have Eyes, which opted for gratuitous rape and pointless violence over having a point at all.

The good news is that the Chernobyl Diaries did not follow down the path of sacrificing plot in favor or violence and rape. There was almost no on-camera violence. The bad news is that this sacrifice was not in the name of building a plot, as there was none of that on camera either.

Lazy and ineffectual character development took up a solid twenty or thirty minutes of this short film, all of which boiled down to younger brother Chris railing against the antics of his elder Paul, who's bad-boy-with-a-mischievous-heart-of-gold image took cliche to the level of archetype. Then there are some girls, and a token Australian, but they are all pretty much filler.

And so all of our stock characters pile in a car for a little visit to Chernobyl, the draw of which is never really defined. And there are all of these urban legends about Chernobyl (and Wikipedia confirms that some pretty awful mutation stories abound) that could have added quite nicely to the eeriness of the film had they been introduced at any point prior to five minutes before the climax.

After touring the abandoned adjoining town, our team of unlikable and unremarkable people get back in the van to realize that the wires have been chewed through and they have no way of getting out. So this takes us to about 2/3 of the way through the movie and, that's it.

Seriously, folks, that is where any attempt at a story fades off to a bunch of running around, cussing and freaking out with no direction. The crew of hapless and annoying travelers is tormented by wild dogs and lurking people that you never see... Can't tell you if these are deformed mutation victims, or just regular sadists, because there isn't a clean shot of our villains in the movie.

There is a whole lot of our lead characters running through the dark, with the frame light only by nauseatingly bumpy flashlight beams. And one by one, they get picked off... we think... because we never actually see anything after they disappear.

The end result: The Chernobyl Diaries presents a premise, not a plot, and so many technical errors that I didn't even pay much attention to the trite dialogue and weak acting. Definitely one to skip.

Friday Fun-- Avengers Review

So typically my recommendations for Friday Fun revolve around films you can grab on Netflix, but this week is a very notable exception.

You know The Avengers broke all kinds of revenue records on its opening weekend, but that doesn't often mean much. Titanic was a huge financial success, and I must be one of a minority of women that really disliked that film. But The Avengers... if you haven't gone yet, go now! Here are a few reasons why:

1. Chris Hemsworth is in it, and as I mentioned before in my review of Thor (read it here), I find him to be the pinnacle of dreamy men. He does not disappoint reprising the role of this Norse god.
2. The fight scenes are good... and i mean really, really good. Well paced, lots of action. 
3. The explosions are even better. 
4. Robert Downey, Jr. is actually funny, and didn't drive me insane like he usually does. 
5. I love Jeremy Renner, and he is great in this. 
6. Scarlett Johannsen got to act instead of just kind of be there with a few excuses for being there in her underwear thrown in like many female superheroes are portrayed. 
7. And best of all, there is actually a coherent, well-built plot. This isn't King Lear by any stretch, but it also isn't just a stupid action movie/excused for lots of awesome explosions.

A highly enjoyable, highly recommend film. If you haven't seen it yet, I recommend you go now!

Underwhelmed by the New Underworld

I love the Underworld film franchise SO much! The preview for the new installment Awakenings gave me goosebumps. Kate Beckinsale is back in her black leather ready to kick some more lycan butt? Where do I sign up?

I think the better question is did the writers sign on to write the whole movie? Because I think there is about 20 minutes missing.


The movie begins as vampires and lycans are falling victim to "The Purge," a period when humans have discovered their existence and now hunt them as they once hunted each other. Selene, in her typical bad-ass crouching position, recounts the events of the first movie (because, you know, the plots were too involved for you to catch up as we go along) and shares that she and Michael are fleeing this dark time... tonight!

Fleeing where? Don't know. How? Don't know. What kicked off the purge? Don't know. How much danger are they in? Don't know. Because the Purge, which is one of the more interesting components of the story to me, is covered in a 30 second news-reel montage so we can hurry up and get to Selene crouching.

After some seriously good fighting that earns the movie an A+ on fight choreography, Selene makes it to the rendezvous point with Michael (why weren't they together already? Don't know), but they are tragically taken captive.

Twelve years later, Selene emerges from a cryogenic sleep to find the world a very, very different place, with the once mighty vampires now living underground. (Why didn't the masses of the undead use their super-human strength and stealth powers to fight back? Don't know).

If it sounds interesting, it was. The third/fourth movie retains that dark but visceral tone of its predecessors, but unlike the previous movies it does not maintain a good balance between plot and action. The scale is most definitely tilted towards the ladder as Selene pretty much single handedly goes around breaking things all Matrix style. 

Ultimately, since we see Michael for about 15 seconds in the film, I sort of left it feeling like the script was written, and then right before filming Scott Speedman backed out and they did a quick patch-job and tried to make the original script work instead of writing another one. As a result, when the credits rolled my boyfriend and I both looked at each other in astonishment and said "that was it?"

Worth watching? Probably... but I would rent it and maybe play some games on your iPhone while its on so you aren't dedicating too much of your life to it.