Wednesday, October 26, 2016

A pact with my mom friends

Dear Mom Friends,

Holy crap, I need you. You all keep me sane and give me someone to talk to when motherhood makes me feel alone and crazy at time. I love you guys. And because I love you guys, I am going to make you some promises so we can all continue to be a little more sane.

  1. No thank you cards. I will always send my relatives and coworkers and others without kids. But I will give your kids a birthday gift. You may do the same for mine. Lets not add more to our to-do list in exchanging thank you cards until our kids are old enough to write the damn things themselves.
  2. In that vein, I will try to make every birthday party, but lets not get all pissy when life happens and we all miss the occasional one, OK? 
  3. Don't ever clean for me. Seriously. Let your house be as it is when I am coming over so I don't feel any pressure to clean mine for you.
  4. I won't discipline your kid unless I am babysitting or you expressly ask me to. And likely not even then. I will stop our kids from physically hurting each other or themselves, but addressing behavior is on you because we will inevitably feel differently about how to handle things. 
  5. I will always warn you before bringing a sick kid around yours, and we will stay home if ours is really sick. I will not skip every event when my kid has a sniffle, because I would never leave the house. But I also get that sometimes you can handle a kid with a cold, and sometimes you just cannot, so I will leave that decision to you. 
  6. Ask me for help! Whether you need a night out or someone is ER bound and you need a dog walker. Given what my own life looks like, I cannot promise that I will always be able to answer the call, but I promise that I will do everything I can to be there when you really need back up. 
  7. You never have to say "I love my kid, but..." because I know your love your kid. No matter what you have to say, I won't question that. If you didn't love your kid, we probably wouldn't be friends. You can just bitch to me about whatever happens to be killing you at the moment without feeling like it needs qualification. 
  8. I will try to drag you out of the house if I feel like you are losing it. Because we all are losing it sometimes. If you sound frantic or stressed, I am going to start asking when we can do dinner or a movie or go for a walk sans kid. It might take 6 weeks to make our schedules work, but we need to keep an eye out for each other's sanity! 
  9. I will not bring my kid if you ask me not to... even if it means I can't come. We all need to honor those nights when we just want adult time. If the sitter cancels, we will be respectful and sit this one.. 
  10. I will try not to make you feel judged... I spend a lot of time questioning my decisions and thinking I am doing things wrong. Sometimes, you will do something and I think for a moment "Yay! I did/do that better." And then I will feel guilty as hell about it. However, it will happen. Trust me, there will be many more moments where I sit and wish I could be as good a mother as you are. So I am not going to lie to you and say I will never judge you, just as I am pretty sure you couldn't say the same, But I can promise that I will do my best to keep those thoughts minimal and in my head, so you never feel judged. Because beyond any glee for feeling confident about one thing, the thing I need to feel more is the empathy we have for each other. 
I am sure this list could be longer. As our kids get older, I am sure the way we support each other will change, too. But for now, I can promise you these things with the hope that we can help ease the load just a bit. 

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